Faithy is at it again! Just when I think she is truly the best dog ever (I mean best dog in the entire universe, not just the best dog I've ever had) she totally blows my theory and makes me look stupid. I guess this is what being a mom feels like. You know the kind - they can be heard saying things like "My little Billy would never pee in the heater on the school bus. I'm sure it was that little Larsen boy. Did you hear that his parents let him eat high fructose corn syrup?" And as you are listening to the mother speak, you are doing everything you can not to burst out "Yes, Billy did it! He's a little sh*t and everyone knows it!"
Well, as it turns out, I may be one of those moms. I brought my "perfect" dog to work with me yesterday, and she really got me in trouble. Faithy had an appointment with the groomer's at two o'clock, so she only had a half day in the office. I left for about an hour in the a.m. to meet with a customer, so I left Faithy in my mother's care. No big deal, right? Wrong!
I walked into the show room and my boss (my father) wasted not one second before telling me that my dog ran all over Mother's desk and "ate important papers and a bunch of other stuff." My mouth fell open in shock. I assumed he was kidding because MY dog is perfect. Dad and all the others standing around him were quick to confirm my worst fears - Faithy had been very, very naughty.
Hoping against hope that perhaps this was all some big, elaborate joke, I immediately made my way through the back offices in search of my perfect pooch. There she was, sitting just as calm as could be. But the evidence...ah the damn, stupid evidence was strewn about the office. Shredded papers and whatnot were laying in a haphazard fashion in the normally tidy office. Sam was quick to point out all the naughty things she had done before going on to list, in order of favorite to least favorite, all the dogs he likes better than my Faithy. Several dead dogs made the list in front of Faith.
At one-thirty I loaded Faith into the car and headed towards the groomer, thinking the worst was behind us. Nope. Wrong again! After Faithy's beauty session was complete the groomer took her time to tell me how terrible my dog is. At first I thought she was joking. I am not kidding. You would think I'd have learned my lesson already, but I didn't. I truly expected her to laugh and say "Of course she wasn't bad! You are clearly everything that is right in the dog rearing community, Mrs. Duncan. I wish more pet owners were more like you." But she didn't say that. According to the grooming lady, Faith fell victim to a terror frenzy under the big doggy dryer and tried to bite the lady. Then she told me Faith was actually hanging by her neck while trying to get away. I wish Faith had bit the woman harder, really. What kind of babysitter tells the parents that a child was swinging by his neck? I'll tell you what kind - a bad one! I'd like to know just how groomy-groomerson would react if her dog was injured while in MY care? (I told you I'm one of those mothers).
Faithy and I stopped at the Canine Crossing where I loaded up on grooming supplies - I'll be grooming her myself from now on - doggie treats and toys, and an all natural dog food. Yes, I rewarded her for being naughty. Because rewards equal love, right? See you in family therapy.
